Change Your Thinking with CBT

Watching thoughts pop into our mind, labelling them (e.g. ‘That’s my angry ruminations again’), and acknowledging that they are just thoughts can help to change the way we relate to them.

By mindfully observing our ruminations without engaging with them or elaborating on their contents, we create a space from which their ‘batteries’ can run down.

Ask yourself, ‘What are my goals here?’

➤ To get on with people. ➤ To have happy, well-adjusted children. ➤  To have a good relationship with my partner. ➤  To be successful in my career. ➤ To avoid unnecessary stress. ➤ To enjoy the evening. ➤ To look after my health. Whatever

Whatever goals are relevant at the time, ask yourself whether getting angry helps you to achieve those goals. When you look at the big picture, in most cases holding on to anger is self-defeating.

If you are prone to angry outbursts, it is a good idea to plan your time-out activity. Once you recognise your anger surfacing, tell yourself ‘I need time out’, and move to the activity that you have prepared. This increases your ability to stay in control.

Rena goes into the bedroom and closes the door after failing to reason with her screaming two-year-old. Although Rena doesn’t like to leave her daughter for long, taking some time out prevents Rena from losing her temper and smacking or yelling at her child.

Elizabeth goes into the garden for a little while when her mother, who suffers from dementia, becomes too demanding and unreasonable. This gives Elizabeth a chance to calm down and remind herself that her mother can’t help being the way she is.

They may also benefit from avoiding high caffeine drinks, and getting adequate sleep each night

Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol can also increase the likelihood of an aggressive outburst because of its disinhibiting effects.

Physical exercise helps to expend the surge of energy generated by the fight-or-flight response and improves our mood. After exercising, our level of arousal drops substantially and our body starts to relax. Vigorous exercise also stimulates the release of endorphins—our body’s natural opiates— which increase our sense of wellbeing.

exercise is an excellent anger management tool.

the most frequently recommended types of exercise are aerobic

Repeating calming words, such as ‘relax’ or ‘letting go’ each time we breathe out can help to deepen our level of relaxation

deep relaxation is a good maintenance tool which, when practised daily, helps to lower baseline arousal, and so reduces the predisposition towards rapid angry outbursts.

‘What is the best action I can take to resolve this problem?’

In many cases, taking constructive action helps to resolve the problem, partially or completely.

we may recognise that our chances of achieving a just solution are small, while the cost of pursuing it is likely to be high. Fighting an unwinnable battle may not be worth the time, effort, energy, stress or financial cost involved.

When we weigh up our chances of success against the likely cost of failure, we might make a rational decision to let it go.

My goals are to do a good job, enjoy my work, feel relaxed and be healthy. Every time I get angry I distract myself from my own work, I feel bad and I become physically tense. This is not good for my health or happiness. I don’t have to do this—I can choose not to worry about what other people are doing.