Change Your Thinking with CBT

Displaced anger happens when we have no one to blame or when we are unable to express our anger at the appropriate person.

For instance, Fred cannot vent his anger at his demanding boss, so he shouts abuse at other drivers on his way home, snaps at his wife, yells at his children and kicks the dog. A child who feels angry and helpless about the domestic violence at home may pick fights with weaker students at school or abuse his teachers.

Displaced anger is irrational and unfair because we direct it at people who are not responsible for our pain.

A man who was often verbally abused by his domineering father may feel hostility towards people in positions of authority.

People who have a self-focused personality style are also often prone to anger. Their inability to see life events from the perspective of others causes them to perceive injustice in situations where they don’t get their needs met. Empathy—the ability to see things from the perspective of others— helps to curtail anger.

Understanding anger, learning management skills and practising them on a regular basis can help to reduce the frequency and intensity of angry outbursts.

physical activity can provide a good outlet for releasing pent-up anger or frustration.

If you are experiencing just a brief episode of anger, that may be all you need.

A key requirement for defusing acute anger is being able to recognise the warning signs. As our amygdala sounds the alarm we experience strong physical sensations: tension, heat, pounding heart and trembling. Our brain is ‘on the warpath’ and we feel ready to fight. Being vigilant to these sensations helps us to recognise that we are currently ‘at risk’, and alerts us of the need to intervene.

As soon as you notice the physical symptoms that signal the start of acute anger, mentally label the experience ‘amygdala hijack’. Turn your attention inwards and observe what is happening inside your body. You may even visualise your amygdala pulsating and firing, sending ‘high alert’ signals to every part of your body.

The very act of labelling and observing your internal state moves your attention from threat-focused information (the object of your anger) to your own cognitive processes. Sometimes this can reduce reactivity and enable parts of the prefrontal cortex to re-engage.

Take in a few slow, deep breaths.

Physically remove yourself from the situation. Depending on the circumstances, you may go outside, go for a walk or go home. In a work environment or situation where leaving is not possible, walk away for just a few minutes by going to the bathroom or to another room and take some more breaths.

If possible do some exercise: walk, run up and down the fire escape stairs, clean the house, hit a pillow or do workout at the gym.

When emotions are ‘hot’, logical disputing is extremely difficult as our amygdala dominates our responses.

Periods of intense unpleasant emotion (like anger, fear, frustration, guilt or impatience) can provide a good opportunity to practise mindfulness. During this process our aim is to be present with current experience, observing with curiosity and without judgement (see Chapter 12).

To engage mindfully during an episode of anger turn your attention inwards and notice what is happening for you in this moment.

Notice the physical sensations in your body, including changes in muscle tension, breathing and heart rate. You may observe the desire to lash out and punish—if so, observe the impulse with curiosity.

Mindful attention to our thoughts, emotions, body sensations and behaviours helps us to step back and observe our inner experiences with curiosity and without judgement.

The practice of observing our own responses can produce a subtle shift in cognitive processes, which reduces our emotional temperature.