Change Your Thinking with CBT

It is helpful to talk to the people in our lives and explain our struggle.

The problem with getting advice is that other people’s solutions may not be right for us—we are all different. Also, it is easy to give advice when you don’t have to take it yourself.

Receiving suggestions and brainstorming strategies can be useful, as long as we don’t feel pressured or told what to do.

let them know that they cannot solve your problems (although you might value some suggestions) as only you can work out what is right for you.

Talking too much and for too long about our problems can sometimes drive people away.

If you are able to focus on the activity itself and take an interest in the people around you, this will also make you feel better.

Activities that involve active participation (rather than mere observation) and some interaction with other people are usually the most protective.

Studies have found that regular exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication among people with mild to moderate depression.

Regular exercise also increases our energy levels in the longer term, which gives us greater reserves with which to manage stress.

One of the challenges of being human is to confront and solve problems. Our ability to solve problems affects our sense of control and quality of life. When we see our problems as a challenge, we feel motivated to look for solutions. The very act of contemplating, planning and implementing a strategy makes us feel good and increases our perception of control. This is important, as it is the feeling of not being in control that frequently creates stress. Feeling helpless drains our energy and makes us miserable.

But sometimes we find ourselves in situations where there is nothing we can do to fix or modify a problem. In those circumstances, our challenge is to practise acceptance

the secret is to see problems as a challenge—a puzzle to be solved. When you start with the presumption that solutions exist, you are more likely to find them.

An exercise that I occasionally do in workshops is to ask participants to come up with 50 possible uses for a paper clip. Sounds impossible at first, but when I reassure people that our record is 102, the creative juices start to flow. After some time, I ask participants to join up with four other people and continue brainstorming in groups. At this stage, the ideas come flooding in. Not only can we get more ideas from other people, but there is a synergy that happens when we bounce ideas off others. The list of ideas grows and grows.

when we believe that solutions exist, we are more willing to look for them, and therefore are more likely to find them.

when we recruit the support of other people, we can usually come up with more, and often better, ideas.

Brainstorming possible options and then narrowing them down to a short list is the best way to work out what needs to be done.

Clearly defining the problem makes the situation feel more manageable and draws attention to the things we need to work on.

When solutions are not obvious, we need to think creatively. Brainstorming helps us to explore a wider range of options and can lead to better solutions.

it is important to think laterally and to write down all ideas, even those that initially seem silly or impractical (silly ideas can sometimes lead to clever ideas).

For more complex goals or those that require some planning, it is often helpful to break them down into small chunks or ‘subgoals’. These are the stepping stones to your main goals. Setting a deadline for each step can provide an additional psychological boost.