Change Your Thinking with CBT

Hindsight vision is irrational because whatever we do, we are always operating with limited knowledge and awareness. The decisions we make at any time are always constrained by limited knowledge at the time.

Secondly, we are assuming that a different decision would have resulted in a better outcome. But how do we know? We can never know the consequences of taking an alternative route because we didn’t go there.

Upsetting emotions such as anger, frustration, guilt, anxiety and depression are often caused and perpetuated by beliefs that are negative, biased or unreasonable. These beliefs are often held as rigid rules or ‘shoulds’, within our mind.

Awareness of our thoughts is helpful. The habit of noticing and labelling unreasonable thinking (e.g. ‘I’m personalising again’, ‘I’m mind-reading’ or ‘I just jumped to another negative conclusion’) can help us to see things in a more reasonable light.

logical disputing. This involves challenging the rigidity of our thinking (that is, our assumption that things must be a certain way) and identifying a more balanced perspective.

I prefer people to like me but it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to like me. I can cope even if some people don’t like me, in the same way that others can cope if I don’t like them.

People have the right to different values and beliefs from mine, and will sometimes say or do things that I don’t like. It would be nice if others always did what I believe is right, but there is no reason why they must.

It’s nice when things go well for me, and much of the time they do. But there is no reason why things must always go smoothly. Hassles are a normal part of life.

It is disappointing and inconvenient when things don’t go the way that I would like, but it is very rarely awful or catastrophic.

Avoiding my problems may be easier in the short term, but not in the long term. It is often helpful to move outside of my comfort zone to confront problems and try to solve them.

It is possible to feel good, even when some things are not going well for me. My life comprises many different areas, and I can enjoy some aspects of my life, even when facing major challenges in other areas.

Dwelling on situations that I can’t control doesn’t change their outcomes, but creates anxiety. Rather than speculating on what may or may not happen, I can choose to deal with problems when they actually arise.

POSITIVE ACTIONS Although it is not always possible to solve a problem, it is important to consider possible solutions. Sometimes we can do things to resolve the problem or lessen its severity. At other times the best that we can do is change the way we think about our circumstances.

give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

What would I tell a friend who was in this situation?

I try to be available to family members whenever I can, but I can’t always meet everyone’s needs. It’s OK to take my own needs into account at times. That doesn’t make me a bad person.

I wish they were more diligent, but it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to have my standards.
At times I expect too much of others.

In fact, any negative situation can be experienced as a disaster if we think about it in that way. Awfulising about life situations can make us feel intensely anxious, frustrated, guilty, embarrassed, depressed or resentful.

Most people acknowledge that the vast majority of the things that upset them fall somewhere between 0 and 20 on an ‘awfulness’ scale.

The trouble is that when we awfulise, we experience situations as though they really are totally awful—around 100 on the awfulness scale.