Change Your Thinking with CBT

When you see a person’s vulnerabilities and understand how things are from their perspective, anger disappears and empathy takes its place.

‘laying down of arms’ releases tension and not infrequently reduces feelings of animosity.

‘laying down of arms’ releases tension and not infrequently reduces feelings of animosity. As we release resentment, we free ourselves to focus on other more worthwhile things.

While in most cases, people respond positively to a peace offering, even if this doesn’t happen, what has been lost? We can enjoy the moral high ground knowing that we behaved with civility, regardless of their response. After all, we don’t need to let other people determine how we should behave.

When faced with a situation we perceive to be unfair, it is often helpful to communicate

when you tell someone they have done something that is a problem to you, they may choose to change their behaviour.

when you tell someone they have done something that is a problem to you, they may choose to change their behaviour. Sometimes people are simply not aware of how their actions affect us, and telling them how we feel may prompt them to do things differently.

If you feel angry because a work colleague does not carry out some of his responsibilities, and this impacts on your job, then talking to him about this in a non-threatening way may motivate him to lift his game.

Telling someone that we feel angry or upset over something they have done

Telling someone that we feel angry or upset over something they have done can enable us to release our anger.

Anger is created by the perception that something is bad or unfair, and is accompanied by feelings of threat or vulnerability.

Acute, explosive anger is potentially harmful because it generates behaviours that hurt us (as well

Acute, explosive anger is potentially harmful because it generates behaviours that hurt us (as well as other people) in the longer term.

increase our motivation to let it go. ➤  Cognitive strategies that can help to release anger including a cost/ benefit analysis,

Cognitive strategies that can help to release anger including a cost/ benefit analysis,

Cognitive strategies that can help to release anger including a cost/ benefit analysis, goal-focused thinking, thought monitoring and disputing, mindfulness, empathy and challenging beliefs about the benefits of staying angry.

Behavioural strategies include arousal reduction techniques (such as physical exercise and deep relaxation), problem solving and utilising effective communication strategies.

Predisposing childhood experiences include parents who were critical, punitive or unpredictable, or who communicated an overly dangerous view of the world.

Worrying beforehand will not protect me emotionally if bad things should happen—it just produces anxiety for no benefit. Why suffer ‘just in case’? If things should go wrong I will cope with them when I need to. Worrying in advance provides no additional protection.

Rick’s behaviour is typical of people who have an excessive need for approval. The anxiety generated by the possibility of conflict gives rise to unassertive behaviour. We ignore our own long-term interests for the sake of keeping the peace.