Change Your Thinking with CBT

individuals with high trait anxiety are often drawn to perfectionist behaviours because it creates the illusion of control.

We strive for perfection because it makes our world seem less random, and therefore safer. The behaviour also sustains our desire for approval, as we believe that doing things perfectly will elevate our standing in the eyes of others. It may feel like excelling in what we do will make us popular and respected.

Perfectionist attitudes often cause procrastination, as the fear of falling short makes it hard to get started.

The advantages of spending many extra hours on particular jobs are often marginal, while the costs may be substantial.

Perfectionist attitudes limit our ability to relax, enjoy healthy self-esteem and take pleasure in activities that are not focused on outcomes.

Many people with perfectionist traits also set very high standards for other people—partners, friends, children or work colleagues—and are frequently critical as a result. This makes them hard to live with, and consequently their relationships suffer.

While Cassie believes that the job itself is stressful, the truth is that Cassie’s perfectionism is the main problem,

Setting time limits on the tasks that we perform gives us the opportunity to observe the consequences.

over time she discovered that lowering her standards did not result in negative consequences, and so her anxiety subsided.

Todd chooses to deliberately make ‘errors’ in his weekly tennis game, to help him challenge perfectionist attitudes about the standard of his game.

A more psychologically healthy attitude is to accept that many things are beyond our control, and not to try to control them.

Our ability to let go of things we cannot change is a measure of good psychological health.

Lots of things in life are painful, and I can’t protect her from all possible pain.

Talk to her. Explain the reasons for my concern. Suggest a compromise solution but accept that she is not obliged to agree to it.

Whenever we find ourselves in a stressful situation, the most appropriate first step is to look for solutions.

Sometimes, in spite of our best intentions, there is nothing we can do to change the situation. In these circumstances, our best option is cognitive flexibility—acceptance of situations that are beyond our control. In situations where possible solutions do exist, brainstorming some options is a good place to start.

Prioritise my jobs and focus on the most urgent ones.

I prefer to complete all of my assigned tasks, but that is not always possible.

Asking for help when my workload is excessive is a sign of competence, not failure.

most problems rate between 5 and 20 on the ‘awfulness’ scale, and not the 90 or 100 that we might perceive at times.