Change Your Thinking with CBT

A more psychologically healthy attitude is to accept that many things are beyond our control, and not to try to control them.

Our ability to let go of things we cannot change is a measure of good psychological health.

Lots of things in life are painful, and I can’t protect her from all possible pain.

Talk to her. Explain the reasons for my concern. Suggest a compromise solution but accept that she is not obliged to agree to it.

Whenever we find ourselves in a stressful situation, the most appropriate first step is to look for solutions.

Sometimes, in spite of our best intentions, there is nothing we can do to change the situation. In these circumstances, our best option is cognitive flexibility—acceptance of situations that are beyond our control. In situations where possible solutions do exist, brainstorming some options is a good place to start.

Prioritise my jobs and focus on the most urgent ones.

prefer to complete all of my assigned tasks, but that is not always possible.

I prefer to complete all of my assigned tasks, but that is not always possible.

Asking for help when my workload is excessive is a sign of competence, not failure.

most problems rate between 5 and 20 on the ‘awfulness’ scale, and not the 90 or 100 that we might perceive at times.

OVER NINETY PER CENT OF THE THINGS WE FEAR DO NOT EVENTUATE

the majority of times when we expect the worst, nothing terrible happens.

What would you tell a friend who was in your situation?

deliberately choosing to recreate the feared sensations ultimately reduces our fear of them.

Exposure exercises are useful for overcoming all types of fears and phobias, including social phobia, specific phobias (such as spiders, flying, elevators and snakes) and the ubiquitous fear of public speaking. In each case, creating a schedule of situations we fear, and then deliberately putting ourselves in those situations for a period of time enables habituation to take place.

Take in one diaphragmatic breath, and hold it to the count of ten. Breathe out slowly, mentally saying the word ‘relax’ as you do so. Then breathe in to the count of three and out to the count of three, mentally saying the word ‘relax’ at the end of each out-breath. This process will slow your breathing rate to ten breaths per minute. Do this for ten breaths, and then take another diaphragmatic breath and count to ten, and return to slow breathing again.

a partner, friends or family members who tell you that you are wonderful, lovable and important to them helps to reinforce perceptions of worth. On the other hand, a significant other who frequently carps, criticises and puts you down can have the opposite effect.

Comparing ourselves with others invariably gets us into trouble. The problem is that there will always be people who are smarter than we are; who are thinner and more attractive; who have more friends; who go out more; who have a better sense of humour; who have more exciting sex; who make more money; who live in nicer houses and own better cars and who have more interesting things to say.

There are also people who are far less attractive, less clever, less well-off, less sociable and less privileged than we are. If our self-esteem is fragile, we tend to disregard those in this second category, and limit our self-comparisons to those we consider to be better than us in some way.