Change Your Thinking with CBT

they are also willing to accept that some things are beyond their control.

When we believe that things ‘should’ or ‘must’ be a certain way, rather than simply having a preference, we make ourselves vulnerable to distress.

Beliefs are not a problem when they are held as preferences.

When things don’t work out the way we would like, we can make ourselves miserable by demanding that it should not be this way, or we can adjust and move on by choosing to think in a more flexible way.

Sometimes just recognising that our thoughts are unreasonable enables us to see things differently.

Sometimes just recognising that our thoughts are unreasonable enables us to see things differently. At other times we need to challenge them more vigorously using a thought monitoring form.

sometimes things don’t work out, and in spite of our best intentions we are not able to meet our commitments.

Whenever you have difficulty identifying your thoughts, try this exercise: Close your eyes and ask yourself ‘What’s going on for me right now?’ Take two minutes to observe your inner world—feelings, body sensations, images and thoughts.

BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING This is the tendency to see things in a polarised way, without recognising the middle ground.

It is easy to feel indignant and trade insults with or ‘write off’ someone who is rude; it is harder to understand them.

It is easy to feel indignant and trade insults with or ‘write off’ someone who is rude; it is harder to understand them. Recognising that the behaviour of others largely reflects their own personality and state of mind, and choosing not to take offence at their behaviour requires insight and cognitive flexibility.

we may find ourselves focusing on just the negative elements of a situation, while ignoring all other relevant information

MIND READING This is a specific type of jumping to conclusions, based on the assumption that we know what other people are thinking. We assume negative evaluation by others,

MIND READING This is a specific type of jumping to conclusions, based on the assumption that we know what other people are thinking.

As so often happens when we mind-read, not only do we feel bad, but we also behave in self-defeating ways.

We are just not that important in other people’s minds, in the same way that they don’t figure very much in ours.

Acceptance doesn’t mean endorsement or saying that things are good. It means accepting bad reality and accepting that limited change is likely in the world right now.

The way that we think about our mistakes or perceived flaws reflects our degree of cognitive flexibility. Sometimes it is rational and appropriate to tell ourselves, ‘That was a silly thing to do—I need to be more careful’, or ‘I’m not very motivated when it comes to cleaning the house’, or ‘My memory is not as good as it used to be’. Thoughts such as these do not create problems because even though they acknowledge mistakes or perceived weaknesses, they are specific rather than global.

Labelling others is just as unreasonable as labelling ourselves, since we sum up an entire person on the basis of particular behaviours or characteristics.

Labelling others is also self-defeating because it fuels resentment, wastes our energy and makes it harder to get on with people.