Change Your Thinking with CBT

if we do choose to deviate from our original goals, this should be based on a considered decision rather than low frustration tolerance or a lack of commitment

For a variety of reasons we procrastinate, make excuses and rationalise: ‘What’s the use? It won’t work anyway … I’ll do it later when I am ready.’ The desire for change may be there, but not the drive to follow through.

work out which goals are most important at this time, and which other goals need to go on hold for the time being.

Wanting things to change is not enough. To achieve specific goals we need to clearly define what we want, make a decision to actively pursue it and create a plan of action.

The ability to tolerate unpleasant experiences is a strong predictor of one’s ability to persevere and succeed in the longer term.

Recognising distractions when they arise and having strategies in place to address them and then return to our goals is an important ingredient for success.

there is no doubt that learning to delay gratification and tolerate frustration can increase our likelihood of achieving our goals. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves: ‘Don’t eat that marshmallow!’

Sometimes we need to re-prioritise—put some of our goals on hold while we work towards our highest-priority goals.

When we sort out our psychological obstacles, the logistical obstacles often become less daunting.

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. THOMAS EDISON

When we look at our negative cognitions, we can often see the lack of logic in our thinking, and the beliefs that can be challenged.

It may be hard or unpleasant, and that’s OK. There is no reason why I must always avoid things that are hard or unpleasant. Confronting things that are difficult makes it easier to deal with difficult things in the future and makes me stronger.

It might involve stress or hassles, but hassles are a normal part of life. It’s OK to experience hassles in the process of working towards the things I want. Confronting hassles is a good learning experience. If I can achieve my goal, it’s worth the hassles.

I have no guarantee of success but I’m guaranteed that nothing will change if I don’t give it a go.
I prefer to succeed but I can cope even if I don’t succeed.

I can achieve many things when I put my mind to it. I have achieved lots of things already.
If I do my research, get good advice, and apply myself, I can optimise my chances of success.

Some things require several attempts before we finally succeed. Thomas Edison failed hundreds of times before he finally succeeded in inventing the light bulb.

Better to have tried and failed than to never have tried. There is no shame in failure—only in not giving things a go.
If I try, at least I’ll know that I’ve given it my best shot. Other people might not like it. I should never do anything that others may disapprove of. I need to explain to them why this goal is important, and try to recruit their support. They may not like it but they may still be willing to support me.
I prefer people to approve of everything I do, but I can choose to do some things, even when certain people don’t approve. THE

a terrible thing. Better to have tried and failed than to never have tried. There is no shame in failure—only in not giving things a go.
If I try, at least I’ll know that I’ve given it my best shot.

I am learning strategies to relax from the ‘inside’ without alcohol: weekly yoga classes, 20 minutes of mindfulness meditation each evening, relaxing music while cooking, playing with Rover and listening to my audio books.

Experiencing even a small degree of success challenges the ‘I can’t do it’ belief, and increases our motivation. We develop confidence in our ability to succeed as we realise that it is not so hard after all.