Change Your Thinking with CBT

Learning to accept ourselves does not mean that we should stop trying to improve aspects of our life.

Self-acceptance means knowing that we are OK regardless of our successes or achievements.

Whatever we focus on becomes magnified

The assumption that others judge us as harshly is often incorrect—most of us are our own harshest critics!

Healthy, adaptive thinking means accepting those aspects of ourselves that we cannot change, and not expecting that things should be otherwise.

Choosing to focus more on our qualities and to accept the things we don’t like but can’t change, can help

Choosing to focus more on our qualities and to accept the things we don’t like but can’t change, can help us to maintain a more healthy self-image.

While pursuing meaningful goals can be very satisfying, doggedly chasing unrealistic goals can be self-defeating. It is therefore important to set goals that are realistic, and to remain flexible in pursuing them. Many people underestimate what they are capable of; however, the opposite is also sometimes true—setting unrealistic goals can make us feel inadequate when we fail to achieve them.

When setting goals, it is sensible to consider our resources—what we have to work with, what we are capable of and what sacrifices we are prepared to make along the way. Taking those factors into account helps us to set realistic goals, which

When setting goals, it is sensible to consider our resources—what we have to work with, what we are capable of and what sacrifices we are prepared to make along the way. Taking those factors into account helps us to set realistic goals, which in turn increases our chances of success.

It is also important to remain flexible when pursuing our goals. This means doing our best, while accepting that we may not always succeed.

To connect with others in a meaningful way, we need to be authentic. Poor self-esteem may cause us to try to be someone we are not. In an effort to be liked, we may say or do things to try to impress. We might also avoid honest communication for fear of making a bad impression.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Chapter 10 provides further information on assertive communication (see also the Recommended Reading list here). IN SUMMARY ➤  Self-esteem is the perception of one’s own worth. It has a major impact on many areas of our

So why engage in a process that is pointless and self-defeating? The answer is, because it feels like we are doing something useful. At an unconscious level, rumination is an attempt to escape our misery by trying to find solutions.

So why engage in a process that is pointless and self-defeating? The answer is, because it feels like we are doing something useful. At an unconscious level, rumination is an attempt to escape our misery by trying to find solutions. By moving from one thought to another, considering every aspect of our problem, over-thinking and over-analysing, we assume that the answer will come.

Unfortunately it doesn’t work. Research has shown that rumination is associated with less proactive behaviour and reduced attempts to find solutions (perhaps because it makes us feel more depressed). Rumination keeps us stuck in self-defeating thoughts and behaviours, and contributes to the downward spiral of depression.

If you find yourself doing this, consider initiating some activity such as playing cards, going for a walk, looking at photos, playing computer games or cooking a meal together. Activity helps to break the ruminative cycle, as it switches our attention to the external world.

Once we are aware of the negative thoughts that pop into our mind, it is helpful to label the thinking errors associated with them

Labelling helps to create some ‘distance’ from our thoughts, and reinforces the idea that thoughts are not ‘truth’.