Change Your Thinking with CBT

The trouble with mistakes or failures is not the event itself but the negative beliefs that they may generate—‘I’ve failed in the past, so I’ll fail again.’ Repeated failures are discouraging because they reduce our expectations of future success.

Although perfectionism is a common trait of many ambitious people, those who excel are rarely perfectionists. More often they are people who set themselves goals, aim for excellence but remain flexible enough to accept mistakes and setbacks as part of the process.

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. ALBERT EINSTEIN

He defines success as having ‘done your personal best at this stage, given your genes, past experiences and present situation’.

When we are able to accept that we can only do our best, given our available resources, we can be kinder to ourselves and feel successful more often.

Telling ourselves ‘I didn’t do as much as I had planned but I did make some progress’ helps to reinforce the idea of success and keeps us feeling optimistic.

Just as it is useful to identify the obstacles to achieving our greater goals, it is also useful to reflect on the obstacles that stop us from achieving our daily goals.

One of the biggest obstacles to getting what we want is losing sight of our goals over time. We get distracted. We forget. We stop trying. We give up.

Persistence is a secret. Successful people know the secret— they realise that it is the main ingredient in winning at anything. ANDREW MATTHEWS, BEING HAPPY

Whether or not we succeed depends largely on our willingness to persist— to continue working towards

Whether or not we succeed depends largely on our willingness to persist— to continue working towards our goals for as long as it takes to get there.

In addition, writing and displaying goal prompts helps us to stay on track. A goal prompt is a word or short phrase that represents our goal and serves as a reminder of the things we want to achieve. For instance, the word ‘vitality’ may remind us of our decision to build up our fitness; ‘lighten up!’ may remind us of our plan to take things a little less seriously;

As imagery has stronger links to our emotions than words, visualising can make us feel excited about our goal, and helps to keep it at the front of our mind.

‘If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.’

‘Don’t wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel. Stride down there, and light the bloody thing yourself.’ SARA HENDERSON

‘Victims spend their time pointing to the problems. Winners spend their time looking for solutions.’

Effective communication means expressing ourselves in a way that increases mutual understanding and promotes goodwill.

When we communicate effectively, people understand what we think and how we feel, and do not feel threatened or under attack.

Some of us choose to avoid the possibility of conflict by giving incomplete messages—conveying only part of the story. Instead of clearly saying what we think, feel or want, we drop hints, mutter under our breath or make vague comments alluding to the issue and hope that the other person will work it out.

It is important to discuss certain issues, even if there’s a chance that doing so may generate some conflict or disapproval.