How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen

Sometimes simple survival is a good goal.

we can’t behave right when we don’t feel right. And kids can’t behave right when they don’t feel right. If we don’t take care of their feelings first, we have little chance of engaging their cooperation.

“If you aren’t sure what’s right, try it out on yourself.”

When their feelings are acknowledged, people feel relieved: She understands me. I feel better. Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe I can handle it.

1. Grit your teeth and resist the urge to immediately contradict him! 2. Think about the emotion he is feeling 3. Name the emotion and put it in a sentence

Good feelings can’t come in until the bad feelings are let out.

child’s emotions are just as real and important to him as our grown-up emotions are to us.

We do these things automatically—protect against sad emotions, dismiss what we see as trivial emotions, and discourage angry emotions. We don’t want to reinforce negative feelings.

Without having their own feelings acknowledged first, children will be deaf to our finest explanations and most passionate entreaties.

Children depend on us to name their feelings so that they can find out who they are. If we don’t, our unspoken message is:

Children depend on us to name their feelings

Children depend on us to name their feelings so that they can find out who they are.

Children need us to validate their feelings so they can become grown-ups who know who they are and what they feel. We are also laying the groundwork for a person who can respect and not dismiss the needs and feelings of other people.

The problem is suggests that there is a problem that can be solved without sweeping away the feelings.

The important thing is that she has a parent who listens to how she feels when she yearns for something, and that helps her develop the important life skill of deferred gratification.

“Even though you know you don’t need new PJs, it’s still hard to see your brother get a new pair. Let’s write down the colors you like so we’ll know what to buy when you need them.”

Match the emotion. Be dramatic!

It’s important to be genuine when you acknowledge feelings. Nobody likes to feel manipulated. Reach inside and find that emotion. Be real!

Give in Fantasy What You Cannot Give in Reality

Your first impulse is usually to explain why she cannot, or should not, or must not have her heart’s desire. That’s the rational approach.