How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen
by Joanna Faber · 280 highlights
The first priority, of course, is to protect. Take action to prevent injury! This may involve grabbing a child. The words that accompany this action are important. We need alternatives to “bad boy” or “how could you hurt the baby like that?”
The first priority, of course, is to protect. Take action to prevent injury! This may involve grabbing a child. The words that accompany this action are important. We need alternatives to “bad boy” or “how could you hurt the baby like that?” or “don’t be mean!” We need words that state your values without attacking the child. “Sisters are not for pushing!”
The next priority is to attend to the victim. “Let me kiss that bump to make it feel better. Should we put ice on it?”
We can help him make amends: “Isabel needs something to make her feel better. Can you bring her the teddy bear? . . .
We can help him make amends: “Isabel needs something to make her feel better. Can you bring her the teddy bear? . . . Thank you, Benjamin!”
And finally we can acknowledge feelings and problem-solve for next time: “It’s not easy to live with a one-year-old. What can a person do when a baby starts to crawl on them or grab their stuff?”
1. Take Action Without Insult
2. Express Your Feelings Strongly
REMINDER: Hitting, Pinching, Poking, Punching, Pushing
3. Help the Child Make Amends
4. Acknowledge Feelings
5. Give Information
6. Try Problem-Solving
Sometimes our role is to
make a child stronger. Sometimes
Sometimes our role is to provide sympathy without giving in to a child’s demand, whether that demand is to have candy for breakfast or to keep a parent up all night.
The challenge is to notice and accept our own violent feelings, and at the same time limit our actions so we do no harm. Or, if we do cause harm, the challenge is to reconnect with our children once we’ve recovered.”
When Parents Get Angry!
Say it with a word.
giving information. You can roar, “BROTHERS ARE NOT FOR KICKING!!!”