How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen

You can express your feelings strongly. Use the word I instead of you. “I GET VERY UPSET WHEN I SEE A BABY BEING PINCHED!!!”

You can describe what you see. “I see people getting hurt!!!”

You can take action. “I can’t allow sand throwing! WE ARE LEAVING!!!”

None of these words wound. They don’t tell a child he is mean or worthless or unloved. They do let him know that his parent is past all patience. And they model a healthy way to express anger and frustration without attack.

It’s important to reconnect after the intensity of anger has abated.

That can start with acknowledging feelings all around. “That was no fun. You didn’t like getting yelled at. And I was really mad about ___ (insert your gripe here).”

Then you can go on to plan what to do next time, or help your child make

Then you can go on to plan what to do next time, or help your child make amends.

‘When in doubt, go back to acknowledging feelings.’

“you got a lot right. You didn’t add insult to injury. You also didn’t cave in and teach her that she could get what she wanted by whining.

“you got a lot right. You didn’t add insult to injury. You also didn’t cave in and teach her that she could get what she wanted by whining. You held your ground. I can guarantee you’ll get another chance to practice acknowledging feelings when the cooperation tools aren’t working.”

Everyone groaned. “Okay, I get it,” Sarah said. “Just because we say the ‘right thing’ to our children doesn’t mean they’re going to cheer up on our time line. It’s stressful to have a sad kid. I guess it’s hard to accept that we can’t instantly heal every wound.”

If your patience runs thin or you run out of time, you can take care of your own needs without blaming the child. Instead of, “Come on now, that’s enough crying. This isn’t so terrible,” you can say, “I see how sad you are. I need to start making dinner now. Come to the kitchen and keep me company when you feel like it.”

When acknowledging feelings isn’t helping, here are a few things to check: Are you matching the emotion with your tone of voice, or are you just phoning it in?

Sometimes it helps to tell the story of what happened:

And sometimes the best approach is to say nothing!

Before they can grow up to be kind, thoughtful, self-directed beings, they’re going to have to learn how to manage a range of emotions and experiences, including great sadness and disappointment. That’s bound to include some wailing and gnashing of teeth. It’s all part of being human.

Kids are not programmable robots. Before they can grow up to be kind, thoughtful, self-directed beings, they’re going to have to learn how to manage a range of emotions and experiences, including great sadness and disappointment. That’s bound to include some wailing and gnashing of teeth. It’s all part of being human.

He had tested the limit and found it firm.

Sometimes, when a kid really wants something and can’t get it, he is going to cry and scream. It doesn’t necessarily mean we’re doing the wrong thing. The unenviable job of a parent is to stand your ground when the health and safety of your child is at stake, even in the face of a hurricane of emotion that only a toddler can produce.