People Skills for Analytical Thinkers: Boost Your Communication and Advance Your Career - and Life

Once you do, check whether your understanding is right. Say, “For you it’s important that ________ (fill in the blank). Is that right?”

you will combine your knowledge from steps 1 and 2 to influence the other person. Be transparent about what you want, and why.

You cannot pull other people into your boat. You cannot force others to join your trip. However, you can make the boat attractive to them and make it easy to get on board. Lay out a comfortable bridge by highlighting how your idea will contribute to their personal goals.

Do you want a salary raise? In that case, you’re selling yourself. Don’t complain that you worked so hard. Don’t say that you want to get some extra money for your holiday to Brazil. Instead, speak about what matters to the person in front of you. Tell them about the value you delivered in the past and how you expect to expand your contribution to the company in the future.

The choice doesn’t need to be solution A: meeting your needs or solution B: meeting the other person’s needs. Seek solution C, which meets both interests.

Once people feel heard and sense that you appreciate their ideas, they will become more open to your point of view.

Instead of letting our emotions control us, we decide how we respond to our emotions.

We don’t allow ourselves to judge the other person for being wrong, because such behavior will only escalate the situation. Instead, we take responsibility by considering: what can I do to improve the situation?

Ask questions to find out what is most important to the other person. Then, say out loud: “For you, it’s important that ________ [fill in the blank]. Is that right?”

As a tapper, it’s hard to imagine what it’s like to hear only some meaningless taps instead of the recognizable melody. This is the curse of knowledge. Once we know something, it’s difficult to imagine what it was like to not know it. The knowledge has “cursed” us.

Once we’re knowledgeable on a topic, it’s difficult to share that knowledge because it’s tough to recreate the state of mind of our listeners.

People don’t always behave in a way that we appreciate. We don’t always understand that response either. But no matter how tempting, stay away from judging. Judging will only magnify the differences between you and the other person.

become more expressive and don’t be afraid to stand out.

Uncomfortable situations. Beautiful opportunities.

Each new situation trains your algorithms on what works and what does not.

New situations can be daunting. But only if you dare to expose yourself will your people skills improve.