People Skills for Analytical Thinkers: Boost Your Communication and Advance Your Career - and Life
by Eijkelenboom, Gilbert · 176 highlights
Behind an unfavorable behavior is usually an unmet need.
Become more expressive and let the other person know what’s going on in your head.
The more often we observe the same person displaying a certain type of behavior, the more certainty we have that this is their default behavioral pattern.
When you understand the “why” behind the behavior of those around you, you’re not only able to better understand their behavior, but you will also be better able to predict how they will behave in other situations.
The better you understand the other person, the easier the interaction will be.
When observing people, you improve your eye for recognizing nonverbal behavior of people too.
To get deeper insights into the driving force behind someone’s behavior, we need to ask them about their algorithms.
“What is important for you here at work?”
Then always ask: “What do you like about it?”
The question puts the other person in a good mood because people enjoy talking about things they like. The question gives the other
Generally, we find it easier to understand the behavior of people who have a personality comparable to ours.
people you meet will judge you. They will make judgments about your trustworthiness within a tenth of second.
However, in today’s world, this labeling based on fluffy assumptions can harm the relationships we develop at work.
after our initial judgment, we look for evidence that our judgment was right.
“If you are observing someone you naturally dislike, or who reminds you of someone unpleasant in your past, you will tend to see almost any cue as unfriendly or hostile. You will do the opposite for people you like. In these exercises you must strive to subtract your personal preferences and prejudices about people.”
if you don’t like someone, maybe you just don’t know that person well enough.
“I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.”
Stay away from quick judgments about other people, because they harm the ability to build relationships at work.
we could see the other person as human, with their own set of fears and flaws.
What works for me is to think about the other person as an innocent child. Everyone was an innocent child at some point, and we formed algorithms that will protect us against the difficult side of life. Our “negative” behavior often arises when we are most scared or hurt.