People Skills for Analytical Thinkers: Boost Your Communication and Advance Your Career - and Life

Your algorithms are based on the belief “If I do X, then my need will be met.”

We can describe algorithms with the people skills formula: Person wants to get [NEED]. Person thinks [BELIEF]. That is why person does [BEHAVIOR].

Do not blame the other person. Think “What can I do to improve the situation?”

I understood that expressing my own need would help her. Not expressing my thoughts leads to assumptions and blame.

I gave her the opportunity to express her own need.

Instead of looking bored, hoping she would pick up the vague hint, I took responsibility and honestly expressed what was in my head.

numerous people who speak a lot do so out of insecurity. Talking a lot gives them a way to control the situation.

Assumptions mess up many relationships, whether business or romantic.

Minimize your assumptions about the other person. Instead, strive to check them.

My emotional elephant likes to make assumptions and enjoys blaming others.

Assuming feels good, because admitting that I don’t have all the information suggests that I’m not in control.

I could choose a more emotionally intelligent response.

Combining facts with feelings tells me that I need to

Eric’s beliefs and needs form the algorithm that triggers the yelling behavior. Eric does not have bad intentions. He is only displaying one of his Joker algorithms — and don’t we all have those?

The point is, when you understand that most people have good intentions, it’s easier to empathize with them. As a result, negative emotions will be reduced, and you can build a strong relationship.

Behind an unfavorable behavior is usually an unmet need.

Become more expressive and let the other person know what’s going on in your head.

The more often we observe the same person displaying a certain type of behavior, the more certainty we have that this is their default behavioral pattern.

When you understand the “why” behind the behavior of those around you, you’re not only able to better understand their behavior, but you will also be better able to predict how they will behave in other situations.

The better you understand the other person, the easier the interaction will be.