People Skills for Analytical Thinkers: Boost Your Communication and Advance Your Career - and Life
by Eijkelenboom, Gilbert · 176 highlights
I learned how to deal with situations of tension: steer away from them, even if it means withholding thoughts and compromising on my standpoint. My emotional elephant chooses the easy path: avoiding a confrontation.
Since I thought that tension in social situations would always lead to angry people and disconnection, I also found it difficult to say no. I felt that I had to avoid saying no to stay away from tension.
Paradoxically, by saying yes, I got the results I was most afraid of: an angry face and a feeling of disconnection.
saying no can build relationships rather than tear them apart.
If I express my idea, then people will think I’m annoying and won’t like me.
If I make a little mistake, then people will not like me.
situations in your childhood can have a negative impact on your behavior today.
Most people aren’t aware of all their beneficial algorithms, because the behavior feels automatic and ordinary. Becoming aware of those positive triggers helps to maximize their impact.
more self-awareness makes you happier, more successful, more confident, and better at communicating with others. Eurich’s research also shows that 90% of
A more powerful thought is, “What could I have done differently?”
many people find it difficult to tell you what is on their mind. They don’t want to make you uncomfortable and are afraid that you’ll dislike them. Evolution, remember?
The best you can do is show that it’s safe to tell the truth. Open the gate to feedback and tell others you appreciate honesty.
Your rider knows that asking for feedback is valuable in the long run, but your emotional elephant wants comfort now.
Do you choose comfort or courage?
Every year, I unwrapped the gift paper, knowing that I would not care much about the present. But my parents taught me to say “thank you.” Always. When people buy you a present, they invest their time and energy.
The same is true when you receive feedback. You won’t always like the message. You won’t always understand it. However, that person made an effort to share the gift of feedback with you. The least you can do is thank them.
people you work with the following three questions: What should I keep doing? What should I start doing? What should I stop doing?
I encourage you to discuss the answers face to
discuss the answers face to face, as this leads to a deeper understanding. Try not to defend your behavior. Only listen, ask questions, and take notes.
even if you feel that the feedback you receive is completely inaccurate, feedback is valuable. At the very least, it will inform you of how other people perceive you.