People Skills for Analytical Thinkers: Boost Your Communication and Advance Your Career - and Life
by Eijkelenboom, Gilbert · 204 highlights
They suggest to focus on the positive aspects of the person we are judging to balance the negatives.
The goal of learning about other people’s algorithms is not 100% about adjusting our behavior.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will be pleased.
I was continually withholding my thoughts or changing my words to please other people.
most people prefer to interact with those who honesty say what they think, even if the thoughts clash with their own view.
Pleasing the other person may lead to harmony in the short term. However, continually calculating your optimal behavior based on what you know about other people’s algorithms leads to serious issues in the long run.
Some people didn’t respect me, because I was afraid to speak the truth.
Some people didn’t respect me, because I was afraid to speak the truth. Others didn’t trust me, because I acted so calculated and robotic.
They pretend things are okay while they’re holding a grudge inside.
They pretend things are okay while they’re holding a grudge inside. This anger will transform into resentment toward people around them. Is that fair?
how much are you influenced by the people around you? If you recognize some of the pleasing nice guy behavior, you certainly adjust a lot to your surroundings.
pleasing everybody is not a good strategy in the long run.
A MindSpeaker understands that social tension and disagreement are healthy and can lead to deep relationships and new business insights.
cares more about learning than about the judgments of others.
prioritizes inner values over outer reputation.
it’s wise to evaluate your algorithms every now and then. That doesn’t mean you should analyze each social situation while you’re in it. Strategically choosing your optimal behavior for each move will make you come across as robotic.
it’s wise to evaluate your algorithms every now and then. That doesn’t mean you should analyze each social situation while you’re in it. Strategically choosing your optimal behavior for each move will make you come across as robotic. That makes it hard for others to relate to you.
It’s important that you minimize assumptions, because these are the source of misunderstanding and social friction.
the definition of insanity is not sharing your preferences while expecting others to take them into account.
both people in the conversation need to take turns with self-disclosure for it to have a positive effect.