How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: Break Bad Screen Habits, End Power Struggles, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids

Here’s where I’m coming from. As your parent, it is my responsibility to make sure you do particular things. How can I encourage you to do these things, and yet still let you have fun, which is part of what being a kid is about?

your job as a kid is to learn and have fun.

I’m open to other suggestions, but the main thing is that the plan has to include adequate rest, adequate time for schoolwork, and adequate family involvement.

Offer them some control in the process they are finding frustrating.

Don’t react, respond, or offer flexibility in the moment of enforcement; a reward or requested change to a boundary should only come when they come to you for the weekly check-in to discuss the matter in a calm moment.

number-one complaint that most recovering gamers have about their parents is that they aren’t consistent enough with their discipline and that they let their children get away with too much.

the boundary or punishment that induces the right behavior is the one we want to go with.

your kid might tell you whatever they think you want to hear to get access to the game.

Few people make good decisions in a stressful moment.

your child will learn that to keep their gaming access, it doesn’t matter if they listen to their parents; they just need to figure out how to work around your explosions.

your child will learn that they never actually need to listen to you at 10 p.m. But sometime between 11 p.m. and 11:30 p.m., you’re likely to blow up, so they’ll avoid listening to you until right before you’re about to explode.

They basically learn that their gaming access depends almost entirely on how moody their parents are.

Never set a boundary when you’re emotional.

When boundaries are established through an understanding of shared values and open, careful discussion, you will be able to reinforce the lessons you actually want to sink in. Your words will be respected, your child will believe you to be a reasonable person, and they will come to understand that the reason you’re restricting their gaming has to do with their goals and values, not your mood.

Recognize that your emotions are a part of you, but they should not control you.

they will expect a reward for being successful. However, you need to explain to your child that the success came as a result of this formula, and changing it will lead to a relapse.

The manas is our emotional mind (our most reactive part), the part that reacts and determines whether we like or dislike things. We don’t actually control what we feel or what we want—

The ahamkara is our ego, or our identity, which the yogis think is entirely separate from our emotions or our thoughts.

The buddhi is our intellect and the source of our analytical thinking and reasoning skills.

The purpose of the ego, our ahamkara, is to protect us from our negative emotions.