How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: Break Bad Screen Habits, End Power Struggles, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids

gamers who are addicted to video games no longer need to solve real-world problems to feel triumphant.

This is why teenagers are so anxious and lacking in confidence in themselves. They have finally figured out that—uh-oh—what they do or what they say or how they dress will actually change people’s opinions about them.

What parents don’t understand is that if you try to take away their games, you’re also taking away their social connections.

Our goal at Healthy Gamer is to prepare kids for the world they live in, not to put our heads in the sand.

Your child is taking all the wrong actions, but what are the consequences? Are they late to school? No, because you have taken on the responsibility to get them there. Every time you do something they should be doing, you are cultivating a child who is dependent.

if you keep cleaning up their messes—or forcing them to hold the broom while you micromanage the effort—they will never take responsibility back on their own shoulders.

children, as you’ve probably long since figured out, are incredibly emotionally perceptive. They notice that there is a discrepancy between what you are saying and what you are feeling.

when you exert control, your child is not on your team. Sure, you’re no longer afraid, but what is their experience? They don’t see the same danger you see—so the response feels disproportionate. You’re each starting from a different set of assumptions. They feel controlled, and they resist you. They are going to be frustrated by your restriction, and they are going to empathically feel your fear.

When you are operating from a place of fear instead of a place of understanding or cooperation, you are going to end up taking steps backward.

When we get frustrated or angry, we think in black and white, we blame others a lot, and we stop listening.

When you feel hopeless, a part of you gives up, because your brain doesn’t want to spend resources on something that has no chance of getting better. Hopelessness is the brain’s way of keeping you from acting.

If your child empathically absorbs that despair and hopelessness, anything you try to do to fix their gaming problem is doomed to fail.

any action you take while you are so emotional—any boundary you set or consequence you mandate—will be inconsistent.

A parent who is feeling frustrated, scared, and guilty will evoke, empathically, frustration, fear, and guilt in their child. These negative emotions simply lead to more gaming.

Struggling or stressed parents often overlook their own need for recreation time to unwind or aren’t focusing enough on their own physical health or diet. They might be super-stressed at work, or working too much, and, as a result of all these stressors, they might not be handling their own stress in a healthy manner—perhaps they’re reaching for more than a glass of wine every night to wind down, or they are spending far too much time on their own phones. To take control of the situation your child or your family is in, you need to take care of yourself first—that’s the way to set your family up for success.

But a huge problem doesn’t require a huge solution—quite the opposite. Small changes over time—like the change of one degree in direction—make the biggest impact in the long

A huge problem doesn’t require a huge solution—quite the opposite. Small changes over time—like the change of one degree in direction—make the biggest impact in the long run.

a well-rested parent is a parent who can help their child when they’re going through something difficult, without their own emotions complicating the situation.

the parent who is calm, cool, and collected does the best job both supporting their kids and setting limits with their kids.

Taking care of yourself allows you the freedom and power to properly parent your child. You need to better manage your emotions so you can better help your children manage theirs. You will learn not to give in to temper tantrums and cave. You will set yourself up for success by taking care of you first.