Indistractable

What we say to ourselves is vitally important. Labeling yourself as having poor self-control actually leads to less self-control. Rather than telling ourselves we failed because we're somehow deficient, we should offer self-compassion by speaking to ourselves with kindness when we experience setbacks.

people who have “a positive and caring attitude . . . toward her- or himself in the face of failures and individual shortcomings” tend to be happier. Another study found that people’s tendency to self-blame, along with how much they ruminated on a problem, could almost completely mediate the most common factors associated with depression and anxiety.

This doesn’t mean we won’t mess up; we all do. Everyone struggles with distraction from one thing or another. The important thing is to take responsibility for our actions without heaping on the toxic guilt that makes us feel even worse and can, ironically, lead us to seek even more distraction in order to escape the pain of shame.

Self-compassion makes people more resilient to letdowns by breaking the vicious cycle of stress that often accompanies failure.

If you find yourself listening to the little voice in your head that sometimes bullies you around, it’s important to know how to respond. Instead of accepting what the voice says or arguing with it, remind yourself that obstacles are part of the process of growth. We don’t get better without practice, which can be difficult at times. A good

A good rule of thumb is to talk to yourself the way you might talk to a friend. Since we know so much about ourselves, we tend to be our own worst critics, but if we talk to ourselves the way we’d help a friend, we can see the situation for what it really is. Telling yourself things like “This is what it’s like to get better at something” and “You’re on your way” are healthier ways to handle self-doubt.

Finally, and most important, we can change the way we see ourselves to get rid of self-limiting beliefs. If we believe we’re short on willpower and self-control, then we will be. If we decide we’re powerless to resist temptation, it becomes true. If we tell ourselves we’re deficient by nature, we’ll believe every word.

•    Reimagining our temperament can help us manage our internal triggers. •    We don’t run out of willpower. Believing we do makes us less likely to accomplish our goals by providing a rationale to quit when we could otherwise persist. •    What we say to ourselves matters. Labeling yourself as having poor self-control is self-defeating. •    Practice self-compassion. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend. People who are more self-compassionate are more resilient.

Instead of starting with what we’re going to do, we should begin with why we’re going to do it. And to do that, we must begin with our values.

If we chronically neglect our values, we become something we’re not proud of—our lives feel out of balance and diminished.

Without planning ahead, it’s impossible to tell the difference between traction and distraction.

You can’t call something a distraction unless you know what it’s distracting you from.

we actually perform better under constraints. This is because limitations give us a structure, while a blank schedule and a mile-long to-do list torments us with too many choices.

“deciding what you’re going to do, and when you’re going to do it.”

The goal is to eliminate all white space on your calendar so you’re left with a template for how you intend to spend your time each day.

It doesn’t so much matter what you do with your time; rather, success is measured by whether you did what you planned to do.

planned to do. Alternatively, checking work email, a seemingly productive task, is a distraction if it’s done when you intended to spend time with your family or work on a presentation.

Keeping a timeboxed schedule is the only way to know if you’re distracted. If you’re not spending your time doing what you’d planned, you’re off track.

If an internal trigger distracts you, what strategies will you use to cope the next time it arises?

“Are there changes I can make to my calendar that will give me the time I need to better live out my values?”