Indistractable

Unlike their offline lives, kids have a tremendous amount of freedom online; they have the autonomy to call the shots and experiment with creative strategies to solve problems.

“One can thus feel freedom, competence, and connection online, especially when the teenager’s contrasting environments are overly controlling, restrictive, or understimulating.”

CHILDREN STRIVE FOR COMPETENCE—MASTERY, PROGRESSION, ACHIEVEMENT, AND GROWTH

LESSON 2: CHILDREN STRIVE FOR COMPETENCE—MASTERY, PROGRESSION, ACHIEVEMENT, AND GROWTH

If a child isn’t doing well in school and doesn’t get the necessary individualized support, they start to believe that achieving competence is impossible, so they stop trying.

LESSON 3: THEY SEEK RELATEDNESS—FEELING IMPORTANT TO OTHERS AND THAT OTHERS ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM

connections in digital environments can be very positive. A child who is bullied at school can reach out for help from supportive online friends;

Ryan isn’t against setting limits on tech use but thinks such limits should be set with the child, and not arbitrarily enforced because you think you know best.

“Part of what you want your kid to get from that is not just less screen time, but an understanding of why,”

The more you talk with your kids about the costs of too much tech use and the more you make decisions with them, as opposed to for them, the more willing they will be to listen to your guidance.

We can’t solve all our kids’ troubles—nor should we attempt to—but we can try to better understand their struggles through the lens of their psychological needs.

•    Internal triggers drive behavior. To understand how to help kids manage distraction, we need to start by understanding the source of the problem.

When our kids’ psychological needs are not met in the real world, they go looking for satisfaction—often in virtual environments.

Parents and guardians can take steps to help kids find balance between their online and offline worlds by providing more offline opportunities to find autonomy, competence, and relatedness.

“Is my behavior working for me? Am I proud of myself, in the way I’m behaving?”

they don’t want to be distracted, they don’t want to be sucked into all this stuff, but they just don’t know how to stop.”

“Kids have all the time in the world,” it’s important to remember they have their own priorities within each of their life domains.

while it’s easy for us to think, “Kids have all the time in the world,” it’s important to remember they have their own priorities within each of their life domains.

The goal here is to teach them to spend their time mindfully by reserving a place for important activities on their weekly schedules.

Empowering children with the autonomy to control their own time is a tremendous gift. Even if they fail from time to time, failure is part of the learning process.