Indistractable

connections in digital environments can be very positive. A child who is bullied at school can reach out for help from supportive online friends;

Ryan isn’t against setting limits on tech use but thinks such limits should be set with the child, and not arbitrarily enforced because you think you know best.

“Part of what you want your kid to get from that is not just less screen time, but an understanding of why,”

The more you talk with your kids about the costs of too much tech use and the more you make decisions with them, as opposed to for them, the more willing they will be to listen to your guidance.

We can’t solve all our kids’ troubles—nor should we attempt to—but we can try to better understand their struggles through the lens of their psychological needs.

•    Internal triggers drive behavior. To understand how to help kids manage distraction, we need to start by understanding the source of the problem.

When our kids’ psychological needs are not met in the real world, they go looking for satisfaction—often in virtual environments.

Parents and guardians can take steps to help kids find balance between their online and offline worlds by providing more offline opportunities to find autonomy, competence, and relatedness.

“Is my behavior working for me? Am I proud of myself, in the way I’m behaving?”

they don’t want to be distracted, they don’t want to be sucked into all this stuff, but they just don’t know how to stop.”

while it’s easy for us to think, “Kids have all the time in the world,” it’s important to remember they have their own priorities within each of their life domains.

The goal here is to teach them to spend their time mindfully by reserving a place for important activities on their weekly schedules.

Empowering children with the autonomy to control their own time is a tremendous gift. Even if they fail from time to time, failure is part of the learning process.

Studies demonstrate that children who eat regularly with their families show lower rates of drug use, depression, school problems, and eating disorders.

In my household, we’ve established a weekly “Sunday Funday,” where we rotate the responsibility to plan a three-hour activity.

•    Teach traction. With so many potential distractions in kids’ lives, teaching them how to make time for traction is critical.

kids can learn how to make time for what’s important to them.

As parents, we often forget that a kid wanting something “really, really badly” is not a good enough reason.

giving a kid a smartphone or other gadgetry before they have the faculties to use it properly is just as irresponsible as letting them jump headfirst into a pool without knowing how to swim.

Do they know how to use the Do Not Disturb feature? Do they know how to set their phones to automatically turn off notifications when their schedule demands concentration? Are they able to place their phones out of sight and out of mind during family time or when friends come over? If not, they’re not ready, and they need to take a few more “swimming lessons,” so to speak.