How To Be A Stoic

The problem nowadays is that, by and large, we do a pretty bad job of picking role models. We glorify actors, singers, athletes, and generic “celebrities,” only to be disappointed when—predictably—it turns out that their excellence at reciting, singing, playing basketball, or racking up Facebook likes and Twitter followers has pretty much nothing to do with their moral fiber.

making perfection an integral part of our concept of role model means that we are setting a standard that is impossibly high.

The Stoic gamble was that hearing about people like Cato, Stockdale, and the others we have encountered here helps us put things into perspective—that is, to become slightly better human beings than we already are.

Life only happens once, and we learn “in the air,” not in a safe environment.

The emphasis, for every human being, should be on what we can do, not on what we cannot do. Instead of saying, “I can’t do that,” say, “I can do it this way.”

we need to develop a life plan. To do this we must take a look at our entire life, make plans, and arrive at decisions “all things considered

we should strive for internal harmony, which is a matter of constantly attempting to harmonize the components of our (dynamic) life plan.

beware of brick walls. We need to recognize them when we hit them; even better is to see them coming before we hit them hard. The trick here, according to Larry, is to know when to quit: neither a minute too soon nor a minute too late. Avoiding brick walls requires not only that we keep learning about our abilities throughout life, but also that we determine that what looks like a brick wall really is one.

The problem, he adds, is that we seem to have trouble figuring out which brick walls are worth worrying about and which ones we should try to tear down.

Part of depression is fixating on failures in the past, ruminating continually on past events or circumstances, and even drawing a kind of negative confidence from them.

Part of depression is fixating on failures in the past, ruminating continually on past events or circumstances, and even drawing a kind of negative confidence from them. This type of thinking is antithetical to good outcomes at the present time, at least the vast majority of the time. It causes failure in the present, building a feedback loop whose hunger cannot be easily filled. One failure builds atop another, and now another.”

Things under our control include our decisions and behaviors; things not under our control include the circumstances we find ourselves in, as well as other people’s thoughts and actions.

with mindful repetition that we change our own behaviors and even our internal feelings

Well, is it true? At one time in my life it was. In which case, why get offended?

What does it even mean to feel insulted by a fact?

“Stand by a stone11 and slander it: what effect will you produce? If a man then listens like a stone, what advantage has the slanderer?

visualizing negative happenings decreases our fear of them and mentally prepares us to deal with the crisis when and if it ensues.

we gain a renewed sense of gratitude and appreciation for all the times when bad things do not happen to us,

there is a flip side to visualizing the negative: we gain a renewed sense of gratitude and appreciation for all the times when bad things do not happen to us,

visualizing negative happenings decreases our fear of them and mentally prepares us to deal with the crisis when and if it ensues. But there is a flip side to visualizing the negative: we gain a renewed sense of gratitude and appreciation for all the times when bad things do not happen to us,