How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age

don’t criticize, condemn, or complain; talk about others’ interests; if you’re wrong, admit it; let others save face.

When we attempt to use criticism to win an argument, to make a point, or to incite change, we are taking two steps backward.

Calm yourself before communicating to another.

Resist badmouthing as a differentiation strategy.

“When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.”

It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years. And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character.

“He is nothing but a boy—a little boy!”

“He is nothing but a boy—a little boy!” I am afraid I have visualized you as a man.

Influencing others is not a matter of outsmarting them. It is a matter of discerning what they truly want and offering it to them in a mutually beneficial package.

you can make more friends in minutes by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in months of trying to get other people interested in you.

a self-centered life is the most problematic life one can live. A life lived in constant interpersonal struggle. Few true friends. Shallow, short-lived influence.

The bottom line is that you must become genuinely interested in others before you can ever expect anyone to be interested in you.

when we smile, we are letting people know we are happy to be with them, happy to meet them, happy to be interacting with them. They in turn feel happier to be dealing with us.

Of course we don’t always feel like smiling, but if we make the effort, we not only make those around us happier but also become happier ourselves.

A smile, someone once said, costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.15 Smile. It increases your face value.

Arguing with another person will rarely get you anywhere; they usually end with each person more firmly convinced of his rightness. You may be right, dead right, but arguing is just as futile as if you were dead wrong.

Telling people they are wrong will only earn you enemies. Few people respond logically when they are told they are wrong; most respond emotionally and defensively because you are questioning their judgment.

Always default to diplomacy. Admit that you may be wrong. Concede that the other person may be right. Be agreeable. Ask questions. And above all, consider the situation from the other’s perspective and show that person respect.

was also told Jim had a reputation for maverick