How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age

When dealing with a person, always ask yourself, “How would I feel, how would I react, if I were in his shoes?”

“I kindly request an explanation for this change of pricing, as I am sure as a respectful company, you value your initial offers, and care about maintaining your credibility with your clients.”

Some people seem to think that competition is a dirty word. It isn’t. Competition is one of the most compelling realities of the natural world.

“The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you.

First, the praise you offer must be genuine and heartfelt, not just a tool to bide time while you compose your criticisms. Second, you must be able to create a smooth flow from point to point. Third, offer constructive advice rather than criticism following the praise.

“No one expects us to be right all the time. But when we’re wrong, they certainly expect us to own up to it. In that sense, being wrong is an opportunity—an opportunity to show what kind of person and leader we are. . . . How well you own up to your mistakes makes a bigger impression than how you revel in your successes.”

When we talk about our mistakes, it makes us human. It becomes easier for people to relate to us.

Sometimes the best way to correct behavior is not to openly punish the wrong behavior but to use the situation as a platform for building self-confidence and deeper connection.

The leader understands that mistakes and failures surface from all corners of life and, therefore, should be treated as isolated and redeemable instances rather than fatal flaws.

Begin by giving the employee some questions to think about prior to the review: “What do you think you’re exceptionally good at? What are your goals for the coming year? Where do you think you could improve your skills or abilities to help you meet those goals?”

Of course, we intuitively know that failure is inevitable, so why can’t we be more supportive when somebody is suffering through it?

The goal is to help individuals achieve accountability while managing the existential problem of failure, a demoralizing inner battle for anyone.

Separate the person from the failure. Rather than saying “you failed,” say “the project failed.”

Learn from your mistakes. Otherwise, they are lost opportunities for learning and for coaching.

“Praise is given only when one achieves ‘good’ results; encouragement can be given any time, even when things go poorly.”

Being encouraging requires a special attitude. When you look at another person, rather than seeing her faults, you need to be able to see her strengths and possibilities, what she is capable of.

Encouragement provides motivation, and finding ways to motivate is a huge struggle for leaders in all areas of life.

People are genuinely more motivated by personal and social encouragement than by material rewards.

Practice encouragement daily. Don’t wait until somebody has stumbled on the path toward a goal. Recognize every effort and every improvement, even if it is slight, to let them know that your faith in them is unwavering.

If a man feels unimportant or disrespected, he will have little motivation for improving himself. So why not create a vision of him that embodies everything you know he is capable of achieving, as well as everything you don’t know about his possibilities?