Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill

Once we get used to looking at thoughts the moment they appear and then allowing them to dissipate before they overwhelm the mind, it is much easier to maintain control over the mind and to manage the conflictive emotions in our active lives.

Thoughts become disturbing only once the process of “fixation” is set in motion, when we attach ourselves to the qualities we attribute to the object of the emotion and to the self that is feeling it.

Once we learn to avoid that fixation, we do not need to bring in antidotes from the outside; the emotions themselves act as catalysts for freeing ourselves of their baneful influence. This happens because our point of view changes.

to have enough skill to exploit the emotions to good effect without drowning in their negative aspects.

We have seen first how we can counteract each negative emotion with its specific antidote; then, how recognizing the empty nature of thoughts can neutralize any afflictive emotion; and, finally, how we can also use the negative emotion in a positive way.

If we want to be free of inner suffering once and for all, it is not enough to rid ourselves of the emotions themselves; we must eliminate our attachment to the ego.

We are completely impervious to anything that might help us see that the object of our anger is not as hateful as we think it is.

It is only once the tides of passion have receded that we come to see how biased our vision of things has been. It is only then that we are surprised to find how our emotions have manipulated and led us into error. We had imagined that our anger was entirely justified, but in order to be legitimate it ought to have done more good than bad, which it rarely does.

our anger will have hurt someone while leaving us in a state of deep dissatisfaction.

With the help of experience, we can deal with negative emotions before they surface. We can “see them coming” and learn to distinguish those that bring suffering from those that contribute to happiness.

Bring to mind a situation in which you felt very angry and try to relive this experience. When anger arises, focus your attention on the anger itself instead of on its object. Don’t unite with the anger but look at it as a separate phenomenon. As you keep on just observing the anger, it will gradually evaporate under your gaze.

Recognizing the emotion at the very moment it forms, understanding that it is but a thought, devoid of intrinsic existence, and allowing it to dissipate spontaneously so as to avoid the chain reaction it would normally unleash

“What do I really want out of life?” Once we’ve found an answer, there will always be time to think about how to attain it.

“Why make everything so complicated? Let’s satisfy the desire and have done with it.” The problem is, you’re never done with it: satiation is merely a respite. The mental imagery that desire is continuously creating very quickly reemerges. The more frequently we assuage our desires, the more these images multiply, intrude, and constrain us. The more salt water we drink, the thirstier we become.

Hatred exaggerates the faults of its object and ignores its good qualities.

“Biased perceptions and thinking become set in a mental vise in response to threat, real or imaginary. This rigid frame, the prison of the mind, is responsible for much of the hate and violence that plague us.”

Hatred is not expressed solely through anger, but the latter erupts the moment circumstances permit.

By giving in to anger, we are not necessarily harming our enemy but we are definitely harming ourselves.

Even if we allow our rage to go all the way, we will never eliminate all our enemies.

hatred always begins with a simple thought.